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Post by Solus on Oct 21, 2021 12:07:51 GMT
As I announced a few days ago, I did rewrite the quarter finals fight between Vegeta and Cell to make it way more satisfying for everybody. I tried to stay true to DBM as much as possible, which includes a lot of the dialogues, but I gave it an overall new look. At first I tried to draw it myself, but the sketches didn't really convey what I wanted to show and for full blown panels there was not enough time. So I photoshopped it together from DBM and DBZ pages (please excuse the bad quality of my pictures, but I couldn't find hq pictures of DBZ on the internet, so I had to scan my own and very old mangas). I hope, I have acchieved my goal to make the fight more interesting and visuably more pleasurable (although I can't take credit for it, since I didn't draw it). I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had creating this. Please give me feedback. Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 |
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Post by maximusthered2431 on Oct 21, 2021 15:29:40 GMT
This was really fun to read! I was actually thinking about doing my own version of the fight too and I may have been inspired from parts of yours! Il post my own too. Maybe between all us fans we can make the perfect version!
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Post by Xeno Black on Oct 21, 2021 17:23:10 GMT
Well done.
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Post by godjacob on Oct 21, 2021 17:24:47 GMT
This was unexpectedly an enjoyable read! Some of the dialogue is a bit too exposition heavy, but liked the structure of the fight better here.
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Post by Solus on Oct 21, 2021 17:49:28 GMT
This was really fun to read! I was actually thinking about doing my own version of the fight too and I may have been inspired from parts of yours! Il post my own too. Maybe between all us fans we can make the perfect version! Be warned, though. Creating a chapter that long takes a lot of time, even if you don't draw the pictures. Searching for matching panels alone took me more than a day's work. But if you manage to put everything together, make sure to tag me. |
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Post by Solus on Oct 21, 2021 17:51:20 GMT
This was unexpectedly an enjoyable read! Some of the dialogue is a bit too exposition heavy, but liked the structure of the fight better here. I tried to make sure, the reader doesn't have to guess too much. Maybe I went a bit overboard. Could you point out, which pages are the worst in that regard? |
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Post by supergojita3 on Oct 21, 2021 17:56:21 GMT
really good! great!
But its not canon. He should have used lssjgssjblue.
3/10.
if you had used the legendarierest transformation I'd give it a 11/10.
the ssj3 ruined it.
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Post by Solus on Oct 21, 2021 18:35:23 GMT
really good! great! But its not canon. He should have used lssjgssjblue. 3/10. if you had used the legendarierest transformation I'd give it a 11/10. the ssj3 ruined it. Well, I couldn't include something that didn't happen in DBM, so what should I have done? Also, my premise was to write a fight that could replace the original one, which means that the outcome had to be the same and Vegeta had to win in a similar cheesy way. But I do think that this way it's a little bit more believable, that Vegeta won. I mean, I would believe that Cell wouldn't have his guard up INSIDE of his own shield. |
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Post by godjacob on Oct 21, 2021 18:37:46 GMT
This was unexpectedly an enjoyable read! Some of the dialogue is a bit too exposition heavy, but liked the structure of the fight better here. I tried to make sure, the reader doesn't have to guess too much. Maybe I went a bit overboard. Could you point out, which pages are the worst in that regard? I guess I feel like you could've shortened some of the Cell dumps of how much he is holding back, I feel inferred evidence and other characters comments already highlighted this without having Cell repeat it in big paragraphs himself. Again lovely work overall just an example. |
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Post by Solus on Oct 21, 2021 20:29:43 GMT
I tried to make sure, the reader doesn't have to guess too much. Maybe I went a bit overboard. Could you point out, which pages are the worst in that regard? I guess I feel like you could've shortened some of the Cell dumps of how much he is holding back, I feel inferred evidence and other characters comments already highlighted this without having Cell repeat it in big paragraphs himself. Again lovely work overall just an example. A lot of Cell's lines were meant to show that he was actually just barking and not biting. I tried to make him taunt Vegeta like he taunted Gohan back then to reveal his true power. Seems like that didn't work out that well. |
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Post by godjacob on Oct 21, 2021 20:34:32 GMT
I guess I feel like you could've shortened some of the Cell dumps of how much he is holding back, I feel inferred evidence and other characters comments already highlighted this without having Cell repeat it in big paragraphs himself. Again lovely work overall just an example. A lot of Cell's lines were meant to show that he was actually just barking and not biting. I tried to make him taunt Vegeta like he taunted Gohan back then to reveal his true power. Seems like that didn't work out that well. For what it is worth I did get the impression Cell was trying to urge Vegeta to transform. I think your message worked well enough just some of the exposition could've been shortened a little. Just a personal thing. |
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Post by oung on Oct 21, 2021 21:07:01 GMT
I like the effort but I really can't deal with that much infodump. DBM is already guilty of doing this, this has even more.
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Post by عمار on Oct 21, 2021 22:01:36 GMT
Good effort!  The finish is still the same, but it is better at least. There's a lot of talking from the U16/U18 however. I don't think they need to comment on every move. |
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Post by Xman321 on Oct 21, 2021 23:42:28 GMT
I appreciate seeing this rewrite, and I'll admit, in some ways, I do think I enjoyed it more than the original. There are bits of the original I think not being here is kind of unfortunate, but a better showcase of Vegeta's struggles and the exposition on the side made this feel a lot more like traditional Dragon Ball. That's the main thing I agree was kind of off with the fight in DBM proper, there's a lot of guess work involved, so the quality sort of shifts depending on how deeply you think the author thought things through.
This version makes it very clear what's happening, although like some others have said, it's almost a little too clear. There's a lot more telling than showing, but that's just kind of a first draft problem with any sort of writing, and it's to be expected.
I like it!
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Post by ouv on Oct 22, 2021 3:14:39 GMT
Like some other members, I find it a bit too heavy on exposition, but all in all, it's a nice version B of that fight !
And I love story-boarding, and the art of manipulating pictures and text to tell a story, so I respect that a lot and I always love to see people scratch that itch, be it for DBM or any other mangas !
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Post by supergojita3 on Oct 22, 2021 3:27:35 GMT
I prefer more exposition to not enough.
if only vegeta senpai had his lssjgssjblue4...
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Post by Solus on Oct 22, 2021 8:04:59 GMT
Good effort! The finish is still the same, but it is better at least. There's a lot of talking from the U16/U18 however. I don't think they need to comment on every move. A lot of people criticized the original fight for too less reaction shots, so I gave it a little more. And also I am no friend of ambiguities. It's up to interpretation if Vegeta's ability to transform at once is something only he has achieved or if everyone else only takes their time for the rule of cool. Freezer and Cooler for example explicitly commented on how fast Cold went to 100 % and Vegeta's fast transformation came in handy even twice in the battle, so I wanted to make that clear by letting others comment on it. However, I can understand if people don't like that much exposition. As you can see, a lot of others complain about the same thing. |
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Post by Solus on Oct 22, 2021 8:21:40 GMT
Like some other members, I find it a bit too heavy on exposition, but all in all, it's a nice version B of that fight ! And I love story-boarding, and the art of manipulating pictures and text to tell a story, so I respect that a lot and I always love to see people scratch that itch, be it for DBM or any other mangas ! Wow, thanks for checking this out. I want to make clear, that I by no means intended to portray myself as a better writer than the whole DBM team. Especially as long as we don't know if or why things needed to happen exactly the way they did in the main comic. Maybe, in a few years, when the whole story is told, there will be this huge a-ha-effect, where we all realize why Vegeta needed to keep his secret and how he dumbfounded Cell, who directly stood before him, and so on. But for the time being I thought that some things didn't make sense in the tier system that already was established by Salagir himself. So I did try to cut a few edges to make it more fitting into the story we know so far, while overall staying true to what the fight had delivered.
Unless it was intended that Vegeta in SSJ3 is indeed ment to be as comparably strong as Cell with full power.
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Post by ouv on Oct 22, 2021 12:24:53 GMT
Like some other members, I find it a bit too heavy on exposition, but all in all, it's a nice version B of that fight ! And I love story-boarding, and the art of manipulating pictures and text to tell a story, so I respect that a lot and I always love to see people scratch that itch, be it for DBM or any other mangas ! Wow, thanks for checking this out. I want to make clear, that I by no means intended to portray myself as a better writer than the whole DBM team.
And I want to make clear that I by no mean intend to prevent people to discuss DBM the way they want DBM is a webcomics, and it's great to see that you took the time to express your opinion as a complete storyboard ! To me storyboarding is where the magic happens, and I enjoy reading alternative versions of DBM, be it a B version of a fight, a parody, or even a montage to express a negative opinion about it. Personally, I see that that as a positive. If Star Wars creates enough passion to have multiple fan-edits, we would be stupid to complain when something similar happens on some DBM chapters. Who knows ? When DBM will be finished, it would be the greatest compliment to see some Fan-edits of it ! So, while you don't need our permission to express your vision of DBM as pages, if you fell like you should, i gladly give it to you  |
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Post by Super-dee-Duper Veku on Oct 22, 2021 17:43:09 GMT
As I announced a few days ago, I did rewrite the quarter finals fight between Vegeta and Cell to make it way more satisfying for everybody. I tried to stay true to DBM as much as possible, which includes a lot of the dialogues, but I gave it an overall new look. At first I tried to draw it myself, but the sketches didn't really convey what I wanted to show and for full blown panels there was not enough time. So I photoshopped it together from DBM and DBZ pages (please excuse the bad quality of my pictures, but I couldn't find hq pictures of DBZ on the internet, so I had to scan my own and very old mangas). I hope, I have acchieved my goal to make the fight more interesting and visuably more pleasurable (although I can't take credit for it, since I didn't draw it). I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had creating this. Please give me feedback. Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Nicely done and well edited, it had to have been a pain stitching this together. A little exposition/dialogue heavy as overs have said so could cut a little bit of that, but it’s nice to actually hear more from U18 so I don’t mind it too much. Very impressive especially with English not being your first language from what I read earlier. Dare say I like it much more than DBMs version because it seems like an actual serious fight, as it should have been for being one of the last tournament matches imo. Vegeta even had to somewhat drop his cool guy attitude for a minute. Something he hasn't been forced to do at all in DBM yet. I like the ending much better as well, easier to swallow Cell losing in this fashion. In a straight fight him being able to kill a weaker Vegeta obviously but losing because of it being a tournament setting and Vegeta being smart enough to take advantage of that. With Cells arrogance still leading to him losing to a weaker but more calculated and older Vegeta. Cell treating Vegeta like he was the same character from the Cell saga being a big mistake on his part. He really should have payed a little more attention to how U18 Vegeta acted in his earlier fights but it fits with his character imo in your version and DBMs even. No need for that weird core grab thing Salagir went with, without exposing it first anyway like you did here. This is sorta similar to how I was thinking this fight was going to go down actually. |
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The finish is still the same, but it is better at least. There's a lot of talking from the U16/U18 however. I don't think they need to comment on every move.
